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Elon Musk CONFIRMED Drug Addict
Duration: 1:35
Views: 53
Submitted: 1 week ago
Submitted by:
Description:
And the only thing this stupid fuck ain’t doin is Fentanyl — but that might be next as Elon GRADUATES to HARD NARCOTICS and Junkies always need their fuckin fix!
Next?
I took the Liberty of drafting Elon Trump’s lapdog Musk’s “FEDERAL INDICTMENT” to save taxpayers what he failed to accomplish, you are welcome bitchez!
“UNITED STATES DISTRICT MONKEY COURT”
“FOR THE DISTRICT OF DOGE”
UNITED STATES OF AMERICANZ
V.
ELON REEVE MUSK,
a.k.a. "DOGEFATHER"
Defendant.
INDICTMENT
CRIMINAL NO. 1:05-CR-00141-DOGEPUNK
VIOLATIONS:
21 U.S.C. § 844(a) (Simple Possession);
21 U.S.C. § 841(a)(1) (Possession with Intent to Distribute);
5 U.S.C. § 7301 et seq. (Drug-Free Federal Workplace);
18 U.S.C. § 371 (Conspiracy to Defraud the United States)
THE GRAND JURY CHARGES:
COUNT 1
(Conspiracy to Operate a Drug-Impaired Meme Empire)
1. Between January 20, 2005 and May 28, 2005, Defendant ELON MUSK, self-appointed "Head of DOGE," knowingly and willfully conspired to use, possess, and distribute Schedule I narcotics, including:
- 3,4-Methylenedioxymethamphetamine (MDMA/ECSTASY) [21 U.S.C. § 812(c), Schedule I];
- Psilocybin (MAGIC MUSHROOMS) [21 U.S.C. § 812(c), Schedule I];
- Ketamine [21 U.S.C. § 812(c), Schedule III];
- Unidentified Opiates (suspected "Space Heroin”).
2. Defendant used said substances while overseeing "DOGE Interstellar Operations," a quasi-federal entity engaged in interstate meme commerce (see DogeCoin v. U.S. Treasury, 2004 WL 999999 (D. Doge)).
COUNT 2
(Drug Use in a Federal Workplace – 5 U.S.C. § 7301)
3. Despite repeated "DOGE DAO" memos declaring the Doge Palace a drug-free zone, Defendant ingested:
- “Ecstasy-laced Doge Treats" during a livestream titled “To the Moon: Literally?" (Feb. 14, 2005);
- Psilocybin while approving the “WOW Protocol," causing erratic blockchain entries;
- Ketamine before posting on X (via “X Æ A-12 Carrier Pigeon") plans to replace the U.S. dollar with "DOGEBUX."
COUNT 3
(Endangering National Meme Security – 18 U.S.C. § 793(g))
4. Defendant’s drug-impaired judgment led to:
- Leaking "Top Secret" DOGE memes to rival entity "Shiba Inu Cartel";
- Attempting to purchase NASA using "DOGE IOU’s";
- Ordering a Tesla CyberTruck painted with "glow-in-the-dark ketamine molecules."
COUNT 4
(Fraudulent Use of Space Resources)
5. Defendant diverted Mars colonization funds to procure narcotics via:
- “Project Purple Haze"**: A SpaceX Falcon 1 rocket modified to transport "mystery opiates" (May 15, 2005);
- “PayPal Darknet" transactions disguised as "Tesla Battery R&D."
REQUEST FOR RELIEF
The United States demands:
1. Immediate arrest of Defendant via DOGE-INTERPOL;
2. Forfeiture of all Dogecoin reserves ($DOGE) to fund DEA rehab programs for addicted DEA Agents who are now funding their habits by flipping seized Cartel Cocaine from evidence vault
3. Court-mandated sobriety via AI-Anonymous (a blockchain support group);
4. Replacement of Defendant with a Brittney Soears as interim Head of DOGE SPEARING!
SUBMITTED BY:
JACK SMITH, Special Counsel
Prosecutor of Intergalactic Shenanigans
U.S. Department of Satirical Justice
APPROVED:
GRAND JURY FOREMAN
/s/ Kaboose (a.k.a. "DOGE BULGE”)
(Certified Good Boy)
DISCLAIMER:
This is HIGHLY CLASSIFIED MATERIAL WAY BEYOND TOO SECRET so if you are the unintended recipient you must douse this indictment with gasoline and burn yourself with it! Elon Musk resigned as the Head of DOGE on May 28th of 2005 and he is charged with federal drug crimes and these are federal drug laws I cited, I mean Jack Smith cited (e.g., AmeriKanz 21 U.S.C. § 844) and carry penalties of 1 year to life imprisonment for Elon’s egregious federal pigz of WaSHITon law violations.
STOP FUCKIN LAUGHING OR YOU WILL BE CHARGED WITH OBSTRUCTION!
You stupid Bitch!
HOW DARE YOU QUESTION MY INSANE JUDGMENT, ARE
YOU INSANE?
~Jus’ kidding…
[Satanic GRIN]
Is Elon really in a heap of trouble?
Well, if I were a Democrat with access to files this stupid drug addict tilled out when he became an official employee, I am not telling anyone to do this of course, wink wink (DO IT NOW!) he may have filled out a standard Form 86 (SF-86) – which is a questionnaire out for national security positions and depending on his clearance if he filled it out and failed to disclose past drug use or current, felony under AmeriKan (18 U.S.C. § 1001) — jus checked a second ago and apparent caveat therein herein has-and is Elon’s stinky ass Nazi been that If allegations of narcotics arise, the official may be required to either amend their SF-86 or undergo re-investigation but Elon quit so it would be the latter if the two I ASSume?
When a federal official employed in the White House faces allegations of drug use, they must navigate a complex web of legal, ethical, and administrative requirements. Below are key forms and processes involved: And while papuh trail’ n Trump’s Nazi salute punk aficionado, I would glance COVERTLY to see if Elon filled out OGE Form 450 – which is a “Confidential Financial Disclosure Report” and look fuh inconsistencies which meet and or surpass INTENTIONAL MISREPRESENTATION OF MATERIAL FACT — or something along those lines… Thismform just screens for conflict of interest but in case you are as low on IQ as Stormy Daniel’s, the relevance you stupid ass is that if drug use involves illegal purchases or financial ties, it may trigger amendments and then you meat hook his AfriKan Nazi nano sized balls — dig? Dig and soft-peek — without papuh or digital trail if there is somewhere a copy of perhaps “Standard Form 52” request for personnel action (resignation under investigation) because all the paperwork tied together creates an evidentiary paper trail so that once Trump is out of power my critical consideration for Elon the narco junkie’s potential for a criminal refferal as his intentional material fact representation in caught in writing would trigger American DOJ involvement and then all them chainsawed by a ketamine fuckin junkie federal piglet workers get their grievances VINDIcated so that nobody go burning SOLD Tesla EV’s cause majority of their owners are still in a fuckin payment plan, dig
-
But wait — YOU SCREAM, why did you draft a fake indictment of Elon Musk?
Augh, that?
To celebrate his paisan Trump’s DUMBEST MOVE YET as he just burned the bridge to the FEDERALIST SOCIETY, lol!
Huh?
What’s that?
Trump has to pick his own appointees to Judgeship from now on… I will not go into what this So piety is in USA but suffice to say that judges chosen by this Society tend to have uniform views on a wide range of legal questions, even if those views are unusual within the legal AmeriKKKan profession as a whole. I hate their bloodsucking fuckin lawyers by the way — just wanted to interject than thought for a sec…
Their American Federalist Society has long popularized a theory known as the “unitary executive,” which would give their American president full control over all federal agencies even if Congress tried to give those agencies’ leaders a degree of independence. This theory by the way actually played a central role in the Republican justices’ shocking decision in Trump v. United States (2024), which established that the president has broad authority to use his official powers to commit crimes. That is because the sitting Judges were all members of the Federalist Society, very secretive of course and they don’t kiss and tell like Trump but do know how to keep their mouths shut like forever!
So now that Trump has parted ways with Federalist Society, he has stopped drawing appointees/ nominees to Judgeship from them when he selects judges so in other words his second-term nominees are likely to hold views that “diverge” from those of many sitting Republican judges even if those nominees might broadly be described as “conservative” and that my amigo will set back their Republican conservative cause.
Their coffin is ready for nails, hammer please!
Next?
I took the Liberty of drafting Elon Trump’s lapdog Musk’s “FEDERAL INDICTMENT” to save taxpayers what he failed to accomplish, you are welcome bitchez!
“UNITED STATES DISTRICT MONKEY COURT”
“FOR THE DISTRICT OF DOGE”
UNITED STATES OF AMERICANZ
V.
ELON REEVE MUSK,
a.k.a. "DOGEFATHER"
Defendant.
INDICTMENT
CRIMINAL NO. 1:05-CR-00141-DOGEPUNK
VIOLATIONS:
21 U.S.C. § 844(a) (Simple Possession);
21 U.S.C. § 841(a)(1) (Possession with Intent to Distribute);
5 U.S.C. § 7301 et seq. (Drug-Free Federal Workplace);
18 U.S.C. § 371 (Conspiracy to Defraud the United States)
THE GRAND JURY CHARGES:
COUNT 1
(Conspiracy to Operate a Drug-Impaired Meme Empire)
1. Between January 20, 2005 and May 28, 2005, Defendant ELON MUSK, self-appointed "Head of DOGE," knowingly and willfully conspired to use, possess, and distribute Schedule I narcotics, including:
- 3,4-Methylenedioxymethamphetamine (MDMA/ECSTASY) [21 U.S.C. § 812(c), Schedule I];
- Psilocybin (MAGIC MUSHROOMS) [21 U.S.C. § 812(c), Schedule I];
- Ketamine [21 U.S.C. § 812(c), Schedule III];
- Unidentified Opiates (suspected "Space Heroin”).
2. Defendant used said substances while overseeing "DOGE Interstellar Operations," a quasi-federal entity engaged in interstate meme commerce (see DogeCoin v. U.S. Treasury, 2004 WL 999999 (D. Doge)).
COUNT 2
(Drug Use in a Federal Workplace – 5 U.S.C. § 7301)
3. Despite repeated "DOGE DAO" memos declaring the Doge Palace a drug-free zone, Defendant ingested:
- “Ecstasy-laced Doge Treats" during a livestream titled “To the Moon: Literally?" (Feb. 14, 2005);
- Psilocybin while approving the “WOW Protocol," causing erratic blockchain entries;
- Ketamine before posting on X (via “X Æ A-12 Carrier Pigeon") plans to replace the U.S. dollar with "DOGEBUX."
COUNT 3
(Endangering National Meme Security – 18 U.S.C. § 793(g))
4. Defendant’s drug-impaired judgment led to:
- Leaking "Top Secret" DOGE memes to rival entity "Shiba Inu Cartel";
- Attempting to purchase NASA using "DOGE IOU’s";
- Ordering a Tesla CyberTruck painted with "glow-in-the-dark ketamine molecules."
COUNT 4
(Fraudulent Use of Space Resources)
5. Defendant diverted Mars colonization funds to procure narcotics via:
- “Project Purple Haze"**: A SpaceX Falcon 1 rocket modified to transport "mystery opiates" (May 15, 2005);
- “PayPal Darknet" transactions disguised as "Tesla Battery R&D."
REQUEST FOR RELIEF
The United States demands:
1. Immediate arrest of Defendant via DOGE-INTERPOL;
2. Forfeiture of all Dogecoin reserves ($DOGE) to fund DEA rehab programs for addicted DEA Agents who are now funding their habits by flipping seized Cartel Cocaine from evidence vault
3. Court-mandated sobriety via AI-Anonymous (a blockchain support group);
4. Replacement of Defendant with a Brittney Soears as interim Head of DOGE SPEARING!
SUBMITTED BY:
JACK SMITH, Special Counsel
Prosecutor of Intergalactic Shenanigans
U.S. Department of Satirical Justice
APPROVED:
GRAND JURY FOREMAN
/s/ Kaboose (a.k.a. "DOGE BULGE”)
(Certified Good Boy)
DISCLAIMER:
This is HIGHLY CLASSIFIED MATERIAL WAY BEYOND TOO SECRET so if you are the unintended recipient you must douse this indictment with gasoline and burn yourself with it! Elon Musk resigned as the Head of DOGE on May 28th of 2005 and he is charged with federal drug crimes and these are federal drug laws I cited, I mean Jack Smith cited (e.g., AmeriKanz 21 U.S.C. § 844) and carry penalties of 1 year to life imprisonment for Elon’s egregious federal pigz of WaSHITon law violations.
STOP FUCKIN LAUGHING OR YOU WILL BE CHARGED WITH OBSTRUCTION!
You stupid Bitch!
HOW DARE YOU QUESTION MY INSANE JUDGMENT, ARE
YOU INSANE?
~Jus’ kidding…
[Satanic GRIN]
Is Elon really in a heap of trouble?
Well, if I were a Democrat with access to files this stupid drug addict tilled out when he became an official employee, I am not telling anyone to do this of course, wink wink (DO IT NOW!) he may have filled out a standard Form 86 (SF-86) – which is a questionnaire out for national security positions and depending on his clearance if he filled it out and failed to disclose past drug use or current, felony under AmeriKan (18 U.S.C. § 1001) — jus checked a second ago and apparent caveat therein herein has-and is Elon’s stinky ass Nazi been that If allegations of narcotics arise, the official may be required to either amend their SF-86 or undergo re-investigation but Elon quit so it would be the latter if the two I ASSume?
When a federal official employed in the White House faces allegations of drug use, they must navigate a complex web of legal, ethical, and administrative requirements. Below are key forms and processes involved: And while papuh trail’ n Trump’s Nazi salute punk aficionado, I would glance COVERTLY to see if Elon filled out OGE Form 450 – which is a “Confidential Financial Disclosure Report” and look fuh inconsistencies which meet and or surpass INTENTIONAL MISREPRESENTATION OF MATERIAL FACT — or something along those lines… Thismform just screens for conflict of interest but in case you are as low on IQ as Stormy Daniel’s, the relevance you stupid ass is that if drug use involves illegal purchases or financial ties, it may trigger amendments and then you meat hook his AfriKan Nazi nano sized balls — dig? Dig and soft-peek — without papuh or digital trail if there is somewhere a copy of perhaps “Standard Form 52” request for personnel action (resignation under investigation) because all the paperwork tied together creates an evidentiary paper trail so that once Trump is out of power my critical consideration for Elon the narco junkie’s potential for a criminal refferal as his intentional material fact representation in caught in writing would trigger American DOJ involvement and then all them chainsawed by a ketamine fuckin junkie federal piglet workers get their grievances VINDIcated so that nobody go burning SOLD Tesla EV’s cause majority of their owners are still in a fuckin payment plan, dig
-
But wait — YOU SCREAM, why did you draft a fake indictment of Elon Musk?
Augh, that?
To celebrate his paisan Trump’s DUMBEST MOVE YET as he just burned the bridge to the FEDERALIST SOCIETY, lol!
Huh?
What’s that?
Trump has to pick his own appointees to Judgeship from now on… I will not go into what this So piety is in USA but suffice to say that judges chosen by this Society tend to have uniform views on a wide range of legal questions, even if those views are unusual within the legal AmeriKKKan profession as a whole. I hate their bloodsucking fuckin lawyers by the way — just wanted to interject than thought for a sec…
Their American Federalist Society has long popularized a theory known as the “unitary executive,” which would give their American president full control over all federal agencies even if Congress tried to give those agencies’ leaders a degree of independence. This theory by the way actually played a central role in the Republican justices’ shocking decision in Trump v. United States (2024), which established that the president has broad authority to use his official powers to commit crimes. That is because the sitting Judges were all members of the Federalist Society, very secretive of course and they don’t kiss and tell like Trump but do know how to keep their mouths shut like forever!
So now that Trump has parted ways with Federalist Society, he has stopped drawing appointees/ nominees to Judgeship from them when he selects judges so in other words his second-term nominees are likely to hold views that “diverge” from those of many sitting Republican judges even if those nominees might broadly be described as “conservative” and that my amigo will set back their Republican conservative cause.
Their coffin is ready for nails, hammer please!
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