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Justin Timberlake Arrest Video
Duration: 4:08
Views: 4
Submitted: 19 hours ago
Submitted by:
Description:
ReePORT Below…
SAG HARBOR POLICE DEPARTMENT — SUPPLEMENTAL BODY-WORN CAMERA REPORT
Incident: 10-55F (DWI Felony Fail)
Subject: TIMBERLAKE, Justin Randall (DOB: 01/31/81, self-ID’d as “world tour” superstar) Reporting Officer: Sgt. “I Don’t Know Who You Are” Arkinson ?
Date: 06/18/2024 — Time: “Forget Tomorrow… But Remember This Booking Photo,” Augh, huh, huh, huh!
Dispatch, be advised: vehicle observed operating with zero regard for traffic controls — ran posted stop sign, crossed solid yellow line multiple times like it was trying to “Bring SexyBack” but only brought sloppy swerves. Initiated MV stop on BMW rental (because apparently real stars don’t drive their own cars anymore).
Upon contact: subject emitted overpowering odor of alcoholic beverage from breath — not “one martini,” more like the entire open bar at an NSYNC reunion that never happened. Eyes bloodshot and glassy (HGN test: 6/6 clues positive — nystagmus jerking harder than his career since 2002). Speech slow and slurred. Gait unsteady on feet. Subject advised: “Guys, I’m just following my friends back to my house.” When queried re: purpose in Hamptons — “Yeah, I’m on tour… I’m on a world tour… It’s hard to explain… umm… I’m Justin Timberlake.” Affiant responded internally: “Cool story, bro — still gotta do the SFSTs.”
Standardized Field Sobriety Tests administered per NHTSA protocol:
Walk-and-Turn: subject instructed heel-to-toe on imaginary straight line. Performed 0/9 clues correctly — stepped off line four times, raised arms for balance like a drunk flamingo attempting “Suit & Tie” choreography. Verbalized mid-test: “These are like really hard tests.” No shit, pop prince — harder than selling out arenas when your last relevant solo hit required a Timbaland bailout.
One-Leg Stand: subject unable to hold 30 seconds without swaying violently. Looked like he was doing the “Cry Me a River” breakdown but forgot the river was actually the yellow line and he was drowning in martinis.
Subject throughout: “My heart’s racing… I’m a little nervous.” Yeah, JT, your blood alcohol was racing faster than your Forget Tomorrow World Tour bus trying to outrun this footage.
Subject placed under arrest for Driving While Intoxicated (V&T §1192.2). Handcuffed without incident. Female companion in vehicle exclaimed: “You’re arresting Justin Timberlake right now?” Affirmative, ma’am — even the guy who made millions off “Bye Bye Bye” gets the silver bracelets when he can’t walk a straight line sober.
Transport to station: subject non-combative, continued name-dropping the “world tour” like it was a Get-Out-of-Jail-Free card. Later statements confirm he whined this stop was “going to ruin the tour.” Affiant reply (paraphrased from bodycam): “What tour?” Subject: “The world tour.” Irony level: critical. Tour continued uninterrupted — Chicago sellouts days later, Madison Square Garden, extra dates added, festival headliner slots into 2026. Nothing stops the show… except maybe the 90-day DL suspension and 25 hours of community service scrubbing graffiti instead of groupies.
Closing narrative: This wasn’t “Can’t Stop the Feeling” — this was “Can’t Stop the Weaving.” The 45-year-old NSYNC relic who once danced with Britney now couldn’t even stand on one leg without looking like a washed-up boy-band cautionary tale. While fans still scream for “SexyBack,” the only thing coming back here is the booking photo and a viral montage of a former teen idol failing basic motor skills harder than his last album flopped.
Recommendation: Next time the “Forget Tomorrow World Tour” rolls through, subject should forget the rental car and remember the breathalyzer. Or just stay on the damn bus. Tour bus drivers don’t fail HGN.
End of report. — Sgt. Arkinson, Sag Harbor PD “Protecting the Hamptons from pop stars who forgot how to adult.”
There you go — video analyzed, facts straight from the PD report and bodycam, satire dialed to “insanely cruel” as requested. The tour rolled on anyway. Classic!
Worthless lamer famer!
What?
You HATE my insanely cruel satire?
Well….
I sure as shit ain’t here to please any FREAQIN bastards so enjoy my cognitive ass ramming and when your stupid ass picks up a DUI case, I’ll jackhammer your stupid ass without missing a single beat!
This asshole was blowin stop signs, that’s insane!
Got what he had cummin to him to teach his stupid ass a lesson and if I may say so, cops were SUPER RESPECTFUL and this drunk skunk stank up Sag Harbor where they collared him so FUCK YOU and all other stupid fucks who play Russian Roulette with other peoples lives cause a vehicle could be a deadly weapon cause what this washed up half assed star was driving as a curb weight of approximately 5,417 lbs and that’s 2,457 kg, WHOA!
Next time a dumb intoxicated skunk is blowin’ stop signs JUMP in front of his BMW cause it might be Justin!
Stateless Warrior
SAG HARBOR POLICE DEPARTMENT — SUPPLEMENTAL BODY-WORN CAMERA REPORT
Incident: 10-55F (DWI Felony Fail)
Subject: TIMBERLAKE, Justin Randall (DOB: 01/31/81, self-ID’d as “world tour” superstar) Reporting Officer: Sgt. “I Don’t Know Who You Are” Arkinson ?
Date: 06/18/2024 — Time: “Forget Tomorrow… But Remember This Booking Photo,” Augh, huh, huh, huh!
Dispatch, be advised: vehicle observed operating with zero regard for traffic controls — ran posted stop sign, crossed solid yellow line multiple times like it was trying to “Bring SexyBack” but only brought sloppy swerves. Initiated MV stop on BMW rental (because apparently real stars don’t drive their own cars anymore).
Upon contact: subject emitted overpowering odor of alcoholic beverage from breath — not “one martini,” more like the entire open bar at an NSYNC reunion that never happened. Eyes bloodshot and glassy (HGN test: 6/6 clues positive — nystagmus jerking harder than his career since 2002). Speech slow and slurred. Gait unsteady on feet. Subject advised: “Guys, I’m just following my friends back to my house.” When queried re: purpose in Hamptons — “Yeah, I’m on tour… I’m on a world tour… It’s hard to explain… umm… I’m Justin Timberlake.” Affiant responded internally: “Cool story, bro — still gotta do the SFSTs.”
Standardized Field Sobriety Tests administered per NHTSA protocol:
Walk-and-Turn: subject instructed heel-to-toe on imaginary straight line. Performed 0/9 clues correctly — stepped off line four times, raised arms for balance like a drunk flamingo attempting “Suit & Tie” choreography. Verbalized mid-test: “These are like really hard tests.” No shit, pop prince — harder than selling out arenas when your last relevant solo hit required a Timbaland bailout.
One-Leg Stand: subject unable to hold 30 seconds without swaying violently. Looked like he was doing the “Cry Me a River” breakdown but forgot the river was actually the yellow line and he was drowning in martinis.
Subject throughout: “My heart’s racing… I’m a little nervous.” Yeah, JT, your blood alcohol was racing faster than your Forget Tomorrow World Tour bus trying to outrun this footage.
Subject placed under arrest for Driving While Intoxicated (V&T §1192.2). Handcuffed without incident. Female companion in vehicle exclaimed: “You’re arresting Justin Timberlake right now?” Affirmative, ma’am — even the guy who made millions off “Bye Bye Bye” gets the silver bracelets when he can’t walk a straight line sober.
Transport to station: subject non-combative, continued name-dropping the “world tour” like it was a Get-Out-of-Jail-Free card. Later statements confirm he whined this stop was “going to ruin the tour.” Affiant reply (paraphrased from bodycam): “What tour?” Subject: “The world tour.” Irony level: critical. Tour continued uninterrupted — Chicago sellouts days later, Madison Square Garden, extra dates added, festival headliner slots into 2026. Nothing stops the show… except maybe the 90-day DL suspension and 25 hours of community service scrubbing graffiti instead of groupies.
Closing narrative: This wasn’t “Can’t Stop the Feeling” — this was “Can’t Stop the Weaving.” The 45-year-old NSYNC relic who once danced with Britney now couldn’t even stand on one leg without looking like a washed-up boy-band cautionary tale. While fans still scream for “SexyBack,” the only thing coming back here is the booking photo and a viral montage of a former teen idol failing basic motor skills harder than his last album flopped.
Recommendation: Next time the “Forget Tomorrow World Tour” rolls through, subject should forget the rental car and remember the breathalyzer. Or just stay on the damn bus. Tour bus drivers don’t fail HGN.
End of report. — Sgt. Arkinson, Sag Harbor PD “Protecting the Hamptons from pop stars who forgot how to adult.”
There you go — video analyzed, facts straight from the PD report and bodycam, satire dialed to “insanely cruel” as requested. The tour rolled on anyway. Classic!
Worthless lamer famer!
What?
You HATE my insanely cruel satire?
Well….
I sure as shit ain’t here to please any FREAQIN bastards so enjoy my cognitive ass ramming and when your stupid ass picks up a DUI case, I’ll jackhammer your stupid ass without missing a single beat!
This asshole was blowin stop signs, that’s insane!
Got what he had cummin to him to teach his stupid ass a lesson and if I may say so, cops were SUPER RESPECTFUL and this drunk skunk stank up Sag Harbor where they collared him so FUCK YOU and all other stupid fucks who play Russian Roulette with other peoples lives cause a vehicle could be a deadly weapon cause what this washed up half assed star was driving as a curb weight of approximately 5,417 lbs and that’s 2,457 kg, WHOA!
Next time a dumb intoxicated skunk is blowin’ stop signs JUMP in front of his BMW cause it might be Justin!
Stateless Warrior
