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USMC FAG CRY BAY BITCH
Duration: 0:52
Views: 17
Submitted: 2 weeks ago
Submitted by:
Description:
Whaaaah!
Whaaaah!
Mommy!
Help me!
Somebody GET this fucker’s fuckin mother!!
Oh, boo-fucking-hoo, America! Gather ‘round, you pathetic parade of participation trophy holders, and let’s talk about the real MVP’s of modern warfare: AMERICAN PTSD-riddled veterans, those sniveling, snot-nosed crybaby bitches who turned “freedom isn’t free” into “freedom hurts my fee-fees.” Yeah, that’s right – the same FAKE badasses who signed up to blow shit up overseas are now curled up in fetal positions because a goddamn door slam reminded them of that one time they had to eat an MRE without organic ketchup. Pathetic! “Picture this American little bitches and their foreign ass kissing trash; American USMC fuckhead cry baby bitch “Johnny Jarhead,” fresh off a tour where he mostly played “Call of Duty” on his phone while droning weddings from an air-conditioned trailer in Nevada…. Now he’s back home, and holy shit, the horrors! The absolute atrocities! Like when his barista at Starbucks misspells his name on the cup – bam, instant flashback to that PowerPoint briefing on cultural sensitivity. Or when his kid’s balloon pops at a birthday party – cue the waterworks, because suddenly he’s back in the “sandbox,” dodging imaginary IED’s while screaming for his emotional support unicorn plushie! VA stats? Don’t get me started….. These crybaby bitches are milking their system harder than a dairy farm during a cheese shortage in Texas near Elon’s SpaceX! These fuckin worthless American Iraq/Afghanistan vets claim PTSD, but let’s be real – half of ‘em probably got it from watching “Saving Private Ryan” on Netflix with the volume too high, lol! “Moral injury,” they whine. Moral injury from what? Dropping freedom bombs on brown people from 30,000 feet? Nah, it’s from realizing their “hero” status only gets them a 10% discount at Denny’s, and even that’s triggering because the “Grand Slam” reminds them of artillery fire lol! A day in the life of these whimpering wussies in 2026 goes like this;
0600 – Alarm goes off. Immediate panic attack because it sounds like incoming…. Then this sniveling cry baby coward bitch hits snooze 47 fuckin times while hyperventilating into a paper bag labeled “VA Disability Claim Form.” Then he texts his “battle buddy” (aka codependent enabler): “Bro, the sunrise is orange. Triggered AF. Send nudes of your therapy dog….”
0800 – Tries to leave his mother fuckin house…. Sees a bird shit on his truck – full meltdown! “That’s white phosphorus! White phosphorus everywhere!” Calls the hotline, demands hazard pay for “avian chemical warfare.” Spends the next hour in the bathtub rocking fuckin back and forth, humming the American national anthem off-key like a broken music box from fuckin hell!
1100 – Group therapy…. Circle of shame where these blubbering bitches one-up each other on who had the “worst” non-combat experience. “I once had to wait in line at the DFAC for 10 minutes – it was like Fallujah all over again!” The therapist nods sympathetically while secretly scrolling Grindr, because even she knows this is bullshit….
1400 – Walmart run for more weighted blankets and adult diapers (for the “night terrors” that are really just wet dreams about basic training). Some kid drops a toy – kaboom, American cry baby bitch hero dives behind the cereal aisle, yelling “Contact! Contact!” Security escorts him out while he sobs about “civilian insensitivity.” Posts about it on TikTok for sympathy likes then follow and go like this: #PTSDWarrior #CryMeARiver #VeteranVibes #AmericanUSMCcocksucker
1800 – Dinner date. Wife says, “Pass the salt.” Triggers a flashback to that one salty drill sergeant. Date ends with him under the table, thumb-sucking and demanding “evac” to the bedroom safe space. She leaves him for the begging g-fag neeguh mailman – who, ironically, doesn’t flinch at dog barks.
Look, I’m not denying some of these American g-fag pussies saw real action. But when every one of their fuckin vet fuckers is a walking therapy billboard, claiming 100% disability because fireworks “re-traumatize” them (newsflash: Americas “Founding Fathers” shot off worse shit and didn’t need Xanax), it’s time to call it what it is – American g-fag cry baby bitch nation of crybaby bitches hiding behind Purple Hearts for paper cuts. These are the fuckers they trusted with nukes and napalm? Now they can’t handle a car horn without turning into a quivering puddle of self-pity like this cocksucker who pulled over on the freeway to cry like a fuckin BITCH! Grow a pair, snowflakes! War is supposed to harden you, not turn you into a perpetual victim seminar. Next time you see one of these blubbering bastards shaking at a fireworks show or demanding “trigger warnings” on history books, just hand ‘em a tissue and say: “Suck it up, buttercup. Or better yet, cry me a river – I hear their VA’s got a new claim form for that.” Fuck these crybaby bitches. Without them, who’d keep the therapy industry booming? If this satire triggered your fragile ass, dial 1-800-WHINE-MORE. Operators are standing by to laugh at you as I mother fuck yiu again and again with my original satire, BITCH!
But wait, what was the catalyst of this American soldiers PTSD?
Number ONE reason why American and all others get PTSD is NONE other but;
“Fear of DEATH!”
Number TWO?
“Pre existing psychiatric conditions pre enlistment screening FAILED to DETECT..
WHERE do I stand on issues of physical death?
“Never feared it IN THE SLIGHTEST, NEVER WILL!”
“Assholes NEVER DIE!”
Stateless Warrior
Whaaaah!
Mommy!
Help me!
Somebody GET this fucker’s fuckin mother!!
Oh, boo-fucking-hoo, America! Gather ‘round, you pathetic parade of participation trophy holders, and let’s talk about the real MVP’s of modern warfare: AMERICAN PTSD-riddled veterans, those sniveling, snot-nosed crybaby bitches who turned “freedom isn’t free” into “freedom hurts my fee-fees.” Yeah, that’s right – the same FAKE badasses who signed up to blow shit up overseas are now curled up in fetal positions because a goddamn door slam reminded them of that one time they had to eat an MRE without organic ketchup. Pathetic! “Picture this American little bitches and their foreign ass kissing trash; American USMC fuckhead cry baby bitch “Johnny Jarhead,” fresh off a tour where he mostly played “Call of Duty” on his phone while droning weddings from an air-conditioned trailer in Nevada…. Now he’s back home, and holy shit, the horrors! The absolute atrocities! Like when his barista at Starbucks misspells his name on the cup – bam, instant flashback to that PowerPoint briefing on cultural sensitivity. Or when his kid’s balloon pops at a birthday party – cue the waterworks, because suddenly he’s back in the “sandbox,” dodging imaginary IED’s while screaming for his emotional support unicorn plushie! VA stats? Don’t get me started….. These crybaby bitches are milking their system harder than a dairy farm during a cheese shortage in Texas near Elon’s SpaceX! These fuckin worthless American Iraq/Afghanistan vets claim PTSD, but let’s be real – half of ‘em probably got it from watching “Saving Private Ryan” on Netflix with the volume too high, lol! “Moral injury,” they whine. Moral injury from what? Dropping freedom bombs on brown people from 30,000 feet? Nah, it’s from realizing their “hero” status only gets them a 10% discount at Denny’s, and even that’s triggering because the “Grand Slam” reminds them of artillery fire lol! A day in the life of these whimpering wussies in 2026 goes like this;
0600 – Alarm goes off. Immediate panic attack because it sounds like incoming…. Then this sniveling cry baby coward bitch hits snooze 47 fuckin times while hyperventilating into a paper bag labeled “VA Disability Claim Form.” Then he texts his “battle buddy” (aka codependent enabler): “Bro, the sunrise is orange. Triggered AF. Send nudes of your therapy dog….”
0800 – Tries to leave his mother fuckin house…. Sees a bird shit on his truck – full meltdown! “That’s white phosphorus! White phosphorus everywhere!” Calls the hotline, demands hazard pay for “avian chemical warfare.” Spends the next hour in the bathtub rocking fuckin back and forth, humming the American national anthem off-key like a broken music box from fuckin hell!
1100 – Group therapy…. Circle of shame where these blubbering bitches one-up each other on who had the “worst” non-combat experience. “I once had to wait in line at the DFAC for 10 minutes – it was like Fallujah all over again!” The therapist nods sympathetically while secretly scrolling Grindr, because even she knows this is bullshit….
1400 – Walmart run for more weighted blankets and adult diapers (for the “night terrors” that are really just wet dreams about basic training). Some kid drops a toy – kaboom, American cry baby bitch hero dives behind the cereal aisle, yelling “Contact! Contact!” Security escorts him out while he sobs about “civilian insensitivity.” Posts about it on TikTok for sympathy likes then follow and go like this: #PTSDWarrior #CryMeARiver #VeteranVibes #AmericanUSMCcocksucker
1800 – Dinner date. Wife says, “Pass the salt.” Triggers a flashback to that one salty drill sergeant. Date ends with him under the table, thumb-sucking and demanding “evac” to the bedroom safe space. She leaves him for the begging g-fag neeguh mailman – who, ironically, doesn’t flinch at dog barks.
Look, I’m not denying some of these American g-fag pussies saw real action. But when every one of their fuckin vet fuckers is a walking therapy billboard, claiming 100% disability because fireworks “re-traumatize” them (newsflash: Americas “Founding Fathers” shot off worse shit and didn’t need Xanax), it’s time to call it what it is – American g-fag cry baby bitch nation of crybaby bitches hiding behind Purple Hearts for paper cuts. These are the fuckers they trusted with nukes and napalm? Now they can’t handle a car horn without turning into a quivering puddle of self-pity like this cocksucker who pulled over on the freeway to cry like a fuckin BITCH! Grow a pair, snowflakes! War is supposed to harden you, not turn you into a perpetual victim seminar. Next time you see one of these blubbering bastards shaking at a fireworks show or demanding “trigger warnings” on history books, just hand ‘em a tissue and say: “Suck it up, buttercup. Or better yet, cry me a river – I hear their VA’s got a new claim form for that.” Fuck these crybaby bitches. Without them, who’d keep the therapy industry booming? If this satire triggered your fragile ass, dial 1-800-WHINE-MORE. Operators are standing by to laugh at you as I mother fuck yiu again and again with my original satire, BITCH!
But wait, what was the catalyst of this American soldiers PTSD?
Number ONE reason why American and all others get PTSD is NONE other but;
“Fear of DEATH!”
Number TWO?
“Pre existing psychiatric conditions pre enlistment screening FAILED to DETECT..
WHERE do I stand on issues of physical death?
“Never feared it IN THE SLIGHTEST, NEVER WILL!”
“Assholes NEVER DIE!”
Stateless Warrior
Categories:
Comedy
Entertainment
